


Glee Age 2

by tersa (alix)



Category: Dragon Age, Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age II, Glee
Genre: Crack, Crossover, F/M, Gen, I don't even know..., M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-19
Updated: 2011-08-19
Packaged: 2017-10-22 20:14:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/242141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alix/pseuds/tersa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From a <a href="http://community.livejournal.com/dragon_age/345758.html">dragon_age@LJ Tuesday Prompt Fest</a> prompt, 'Glee', my brain put the Dragon Age 2 characters into the 'Glee' classroom during the Act II Romance dance. Crack ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Glee Age 2

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted to LiveJournal in April 2011

**Garrett Hawke:** Well, team, we only have a few weeks until the end of Act II—

 **Isabela:** Sectionals.

 **Mr. Hawke:** Right, Sectionals, and I was thinking, for this week’s theme, we’ll do songs in the theme of love.

 **Carver:** *snort*

 **Varric:** You’re one of the bit parts in this cast, kid, you don’t get to participate.

 **Aveline:** Mr. Hawke, as one of the leaders of this group, as captain of the Guard…

 **Isabela:** Oh, shut up, Aveline, no one wants to hear what you think.

 **Isabela:** Listen, whore—

 **Mr. Hawke:** Okay, okay, girls, stop fighting, and let’s get back on focus. Anders, you’re late.

 **Anders** [sweeping in]: Sorry, Mr. Hawke. The coach had me, uh, doing something and I forgot the time.

 **Mr. Hawke:** Your ‘coach’ and I may need to have a chat soon. Anyway, listen—

 **Meredith:** Hello, Garrett. Am I interrupting something?

 **Mr. Hawke:** Hello, Meredith. Yes, I was just beginning class to prepare for Act 2.

 **Merrill:** Sectionals.

 **Mr. Hawke:** We’re going to explore the many facets of love.

 **Meredith:** Oh, good. I always enjoy watching your merry band of outcasts flailing away like you have some sort of power in this town.

 **Anders:** School.

 **Meredith:** Whatever, Twinkie.

 **Mr. Hawke:** Meredith, with all due respect, I need the class to focus, and not worry about the squad of templars you just brought with you into the classroom. The pom-poms are…well, freaking me out.

 **Varric:** Besides, you’re not supposed to be in this story until just before the end, where you’ll menace us all glowering, presaging the big conflict before we go to Act III.

 **Fenris:** Nationals.

 **Meredith:** Fine, but remember, Garrett, I have my eye on your casually tousled hair that went out in the 80’s and you _will_ go down. I’ve had enough of you flaunting yourself in the streets, like some cheap, Blooming Rose employee with your artfully blood-smeared nose and your voice masquerading as something masculine. And when you do, Meredith Stannard will be there, gloating and dancing on your festering bones. [leaves, along with the Templar-Os]

 **Mr. Hawke:** Well, let’s get back to it, shall we? Who wants to go first?

 **Isabela:** I do, Mr. Hawke. I think I have the _perfect_ song.  
[she swaggers down to the front, and begins singing]

> I like big boats and I can not lie  
>  You other sailors can't deny  
>  That when a cap’n sails in with an great big tiller  
>  And a round wheel in the rear  
>  You get sprung  
>  Wanna pull up tough  
>  Cuz you notice that hold was stuffed  
>  Deep in the sea she's floating  
>  I'm hooked and I can't stop staring  
>  Oh, baby I wanna get with yaar  
>  And take your spar  
>  My homeboys tried to warn me  
>  But that boat you got make me so horny

**Varric:** Did she just sing a love song…to her _boat_?

 **Mr. Hawke:** That’s…good, Isabela. Love of an object is…different, but definitely love. Who’s next?

 **Merrill:** Mr. Hawke, if you please, I think I have a song I want to sing. If you don’t mind. I’m not very good at singing, or dancing, or much of anything, really, I still get lost going through the halls, if Varric hadn’t given me that twine, and I don’t understand with the slushies—

 **Fenris:** Mage, you talk to much.

 **Merrill:** [gulps] Anyway. I can go.

[She goes to the front of the class and folds her hands primly before beginning to sing]

> You are an obsession, I cannot sleep  
>  I am a possession unopened at your feet  
>  There is no balance, no equality  
>  Be still I will not accept defeat
> 
> I will have you, yes I will have you  
>  I will find a way and I will have you  
>  Like a butterfly, a wild butterfly  
>  I will collect you and capture you
> 
> You are an obsession, you're my obsession  
>  Who do you want me to be to make you sleep with me  
>  You are an obsession, you're my obsession  
>  Who do you want me to be to make you sleep with me

**Mr. Hawke:** Ahhh…yes. That does capture the intensity that love sometimes engender, but that’s a little scary for this setting.

[Merrill’s huge eyes get even more luminescent as they fill with tears. Her lower lip quivers.]

 **Isabela:** That’s okay, kitten. Come here, Isabela will make it better. [ ~~Santana and Britany~~ They go off into a corner and begin making out]

 **Mr. Hawke:** [trying very hard not to watch] Ah—right, where were we? Does anyone else have a song they’d like to do?

 **Fenris:** I do, Hawke.

 **Anders:** Oh ho, he can sing, too. I thought you were above performing for the whim of a _mage_.

 **Fenris:** No, just not you.

 **Mr. Hawke:** Guys, keep it down. We’re all friends here.

 **Carver:** Speak for yourself.

 **Varric:** Kid, are you even supposed to be in this class?

 **Carver:** Oh, you’re right. [leaves]

 **Mr. Hawke:** Okay, Fenris, let’s see what you got.

 **Fenris:** [stalks down to the front, and breaks into song]

> I'm too sexy for my love  
>  too sexy for my love  
>  Love's going to leave me
> 
> I'm too sexy for my shirt  
>  too sexy for my shirt  
>  So sexy it hurts  
>  And I'm too sexy for Tevinter too sexy for Tevinter  
>  Seheron and Kirkwall
> 
> And I'm too sexy for your party  
>  Too sexy for your party  
>  No way I'm disco dancing

**Mr. Hawke:** Uh, Fenris, ‘sex’ does not equal ‘love’, but, ah, I guess you’re--

[Fenris angsts and rushes out of the classroom]

 **Mr. Hawke:** *sigh*

 **Varric:** Well, if you don’t like what they’re giving, why don’t _you_ sing something along the lines of what you’re thinking?

 **Mr. Hawke:** Do you think it would help?

 **Class:** Yes!

 **Mr. Hawke:** Okay…let’s try this.

> I play along with the charade,  
>  there doesn't seem to be a reason to change  
>  You know, I feel so dirty  
>  When they start talking cute  
>  I wanna tell her that I love her,  
>  But the point is probably moot  
>  'Cos she's watching him with those eyes  
>  And she's lovin' him with that body,  
>  I just know it  
>  And he's holding her in his arms late, late at night
> 
> You know, I wish that I had Donnic's girl,  
>  I wish that I had Donnic's girl  
>  Where can I find a woman like that

**Aveline:** Mr. Hawke, I don’t think that’s appropriate.

 **Mr. Hawke:** Sorry, it’s required that I make inappropriate advances to my party members.

 **Donnic:** Did he just…?

 **Anders:** Mr. Hawke, I have a song I’d like to do. But—[looks to Isabela and Merrill snogging in the corner] I’m going to need some help.

 **Isabela:** [coming up for air] Oh, what? Relic? No—us?

 **Merrill:** [giggles]

 **Anders:** If you don’t mind.

[He sweeps down to the front of the classroom with Isabela and Merrill on either side, singing back-up. He has eyes only for Mr. Hawke]

> Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!  
>  Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!  
>  Caught in a bad romance
> 
> Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!  
>  Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!  
>  Caught in a bad romance
> 
> Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah!  
>  Roma-Roma-ma-ah!  
>  Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!  
>  Want your bad romance
> 
> Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah!  
>  Roma-Roma-ma-ah!  
>  Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!  
>  Want your bad romance
> 
> I want your ugly  
>  I want your disease  
>  I want your everything  
>  As long as it’s free  
>  I want your love  
>  Love-love-love  
>  I want your love
> 
> I want your drama  
>  The touch of your hand  
>  I want you leather-studded kiss in the sand  
>  And I want your love  
>  Love-love-love  
>  I want your love  
>  Love-love-love  
>  I want your love
> 
> You know that I want you  
>  And you know that I need you  
>  I want a bad, your bad romance
> 
> I want your love  
>  And I want your revenge  
>  You and me could write a bad romance  
>  I want your love and  
>  All your love is revenge  
>  You and me could write a bad romance
> 
> Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!  
>  Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!  
>  Caught in a bad romance
> 
> Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!  
>  Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!  
>  Caught in a bad romance

[The bell rings]

 **Mr. Hawke:** [clears throat] Yes, that’s all for today. I’ll see you after school, where we’ll take a field trip out to the Wounded Coast. Oh, and Anders? Please stay, I need to have a _private_ word with you…in my bedr-- _office_.


End file.
